Seeking Perspective About Anger …
A few years ago, I felt distressed, guilty, and upset by my anger. You SHOULDN’T feel this way; I kept telling myself. But I did feel that way, and the disquiet in my soul led me to seek perspective from someone who could be more objective about my anger than I was able.
The wise woman reminded me that anger such as I was experiencing is a secondary emotion which generally springs from either fear or pain. She encouraged me to talk to God so I might discern the source of my anger. I told her that wasn’t necessary since I knew my anger flowed out of deeply rooted pain in my soul.
Recently, I read something about anger from Dr. Allison Cook, a Christian therapist whose work I admire. (https://www.dralisoncook.com). Dr. Cook said,
“Love doesn't mean agreement or passivity. It doesn't mean ignoring injustice or pretending we aren't hurt. It means facing the very real places of resentment, anger, and even the seeds of hate within our own souls - and inviting God's love there first.”
While I agreed this is great advice, how do I invite God into my ugly anger? I very much appreciated these practical prayers she suggested”
“I notice I'm feeling angry, God. Please help me hold this anger with wisdom so that in my anger, I do not sin.”
“I notice a part of me resenting this person, God. Help soften my heart so that I can respond honestly, yet with compassion.”
I hope Dr. Cook’s insight into anger is helpful to you as it was to me.
I’m currently in an online spiritual formation group and am becoming acquainted with a new “soul” friend who lives in the U.K. She is a kind, gentle woman who mentioned feeling “cross” with God. I loved that! So often, we use other, perhaps even softer, words to describe our anger such as annoyed, irritated, exasperated, or displeased. Or we may “kick it up a notch” with synonyms such as enraged, infuriated, or inflamed.
Anger can be complicated. The photo in today’s post was taken by my husband from the porch of my cousin’s house during our recent getaway to Montana. Montana is often called the “Big Sky” country, and the clouds in the vast expanse of this sky seemed to simultaneously mirror the complex, conflicting emotions of serenity and anger. At times, my soul feels like that Montana sky!
No matter what we call our anger or the juxtaposition of this negative emotion with more positive feelings such as love and peace, I believe God understands, cares, and is willing to help us deal with whatever lies underneath every common, real, and sometimes perplexing emotions.
Blessings on your journey,
